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04:30am 04/05/2004
 
mood: flirty
I stole another exact-o knife. I decided I wanted to try it out. 10 cuts on my left forearm, 3 on my wrist, two on the back of my hand. On the early morning, I find myself feeling... beautiful. Calm, poised, and relaxed. It's due to the hour, and the music. Just thought I'd make a little update before bed. Good night.
 
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08:56am 13/04/2004
 
mood: thoughtful
Even though all is said an done, I find myself feeling a little.... unsettled. Do I plan to continue that thought.... nope. ^_~ I've never been one for direct responses. *chuckles* Ah... good times... Anyway. Had a chat with oh gee... I wonder. Shaun-face.

This page started last night when I'd settled down to go to sleep. I put my Jason Mraz cd on repeat so I could fall asleep better. A small dream crossed over my thoughts. (I hate those nowadays. Like the last two. O_O) It was innocent. Have you ever wanted to just lay in the grass and stare at the sky? After having run and run until you think you pass out with another step, you fall into the green and the flowers. But you want someone beside you. Because you feel wonderful with the feeling you get from clouds slowly roaming by, and you just have to share it with someone. There's nothing else in the world that could be as perfect as that. Well yeah. Blah. Anyway, I loved that dream. I woke up to You And I Both.

So...... with that in mind, and the feeling of lonliness, I asked for him to only give it a chance someday. I'm hoping it was fueld only by that icky feeling.

I'm heading off to work at 5ish, and this time I'll have more to do. Dunno when I'll be back. *shrug* Lets go with eventually.

~Ketchup~
 
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07:21am 11/04/2004
 
mood: content
I'm feeling a lot better since that last one. I slept all night (Not by choice... my alarm didn't wake me up at 1!) so I'm not all emotionally fragile. I cried a little when I was venting a little to Krispy. Who I delcare my undying love for. I do the the same for Liz. And Sita-chan just 'cause I love that girl. Oooo! XD Guess who's coming to Louisiana this summer!!!!!!! I'll give you a hint... ME!!!! Guys, I get 102 bucks every two weeks. I think i can mangage. Just let me blow my first few pay checks on usless crap. One of them being Eric's birthday present. If not something sharp and pointy, then something with lots of words and a spine. Or maybe somet... a video game. We'll see what I find. And I'm not sure what kind of video games he's into, other than Final Fantasy. And I really have to start looking for a Janelness thing. I dunno what I'm getting, but it's gonna be awesome. And she'll love it. ^_^ All for now! Oh, HAPPY EASTER! *bounces away in a bunnie suit*
 
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I can't go.. I can't breathe... I cannot leave.... until you're resting here with me.   
06:36pm 10/04/2004
 
mood: lonely
*sighs* I'm wickedly lonely... Rather hurt. I've been trying to set aside a time when I can be with Melissa, and tonight, she's gong to Roller Magic, with oh shocker, Nikki. She always steals Melissa away just as she's within reaching distane. When I think I have her back. I'm always too late. Another weekend wasted and burned. Went to work, came home. Did nothing. Friday, nothing at all. What am I not doing? What am I doing wrong? *sighs sadly* I don't know... Stop complaining...

No one hears you until you scream. No one sees you until your covered in blood.
 
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12:50pm 09/04/2004
 
mood: loved
Heh... he worries about me. I have a long way to come with realizing people care about me....
 
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09:37pm 03/04/2004
  1) Using band names, spell out your name:


Marilyn Manson
Evanesence
Gackt!!
Hyde
Ayumi Hamasaki
Nickelback

2) Have you ever had a song written about you?
Nooo.

3) What song makes you cry?
1. First off, I don't cry anymore. I get depressed.
2. Evanecence - My Immortal
3. Evanecence - Hello
4. Yoko Kanno - Real Folk Blues
5. Dashboard - Sceaming Infeds

4) What song makes you happy?
1. CCS - Catch You Catch Me *giggles wildly*
2. Nickelback - Someday
3. Jason Mraz - You and I Both
4. Hurcules - Go The Distance Okay, okay, I'm a sucker for Disney films.
5. Can't say I have another.

5) What do you like to listen to before bed?The Outlaw Star ending thems. They make me good and sleepy.

6) Name a song by Coal Chamber: ASk someone else.

7) Who was/were your idols when you were younger? Sonic The Hedgehog.



8) First album you ever bought?
NSYNC?

9) Name a song that reminds you of someone and why

Nickleback's Someday. I already said why.

a p p e a r a n c e
HEIGHT: 5'2
HAIR COLOR: Redish brown.
SKIN COLOR: Pale friggin white
EYE COLOR: Every color.
PIERCINGS: My non existant penis.
TATTOOS: None.

r i g h t n o w
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: Camo.
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: Gackt - Illness Illision
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: Nothing.
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: Windy and dark, seeing how it's almost 11 at night.
HOW ARE YOU? My left arm hurts and I'm tired, but over all not to shabby.


d o y o u
GET MOTION SICKNESS?: Nope, never
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: Cutting.
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Meow.
LIKE TO DRIVE?: Dunno yet


f a v o r i t e s
TV SHOW: I secretly really lie Room Raiders.
CONDITIONER: Store brand version of Thermasilk.
BOOK: Mew.
MAGAZINE: Shonen Jump?
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Tea. With honey.
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Whiskey. With ice.
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: Sleeeep.
BAND or GROUP or SINGER or RAPPER: Everything.

h a v e y o u
BROKEN THE LAW: Robbing a bank and fucknig around with the store manager.
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: No.
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: Many times.
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: Sounds like a great lemon plot...
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: Nah, not my thing.
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: Mm-mm.
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: Nope!
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: Skipped school by sleeping all day, told my foldks we had no school, left school grounds, faked sick, simply stayed home when parents were working. Etc.
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: Nope, I'm always too busy to sleep in the shower. ^_~
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: Yush.
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: Yes.

l o v e
BOYFRIEND: Nope, still waiting!
GIRLFRIEND: Nope, still waiting!
SEXUALITY:Horny.
CHILDREN: Erm..no thanks. If I do, I'll adopt.
CURRENT CRUSH: Melissa. Sort of. Whatever. She's cute, that's all that matters.
BEEN IN LOVE?: Denial is pretty.
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: *grumble* You tell me.
BEEN HURT?: Hell yes...
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: None.
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: No.

r a n d o m
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: Nope, I'm too young ^_^;;
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: Computer: George Micheal. Stereo: nothing
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE: Pink
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: Sleeep.
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: Shaun, Melissa, Eric, Janel... etc.
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: Brand New!
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: See two above.

w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t
TIME YOU CRIED?: I can't remember.
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: See above.
YOU GOT E-MAIL: Today.
THING YOU PURCHASED: CAn't remember.
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: Malcome And Eddie
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: Mona Lisa Smile?

y o u r t h o u g h t s o n
ABORTION: Don't care.
TEENAGE SMOKING: ... *hides*
SPICE GIRLS: ..... Kill them,
DREAMS: Mine are really boring. I
 
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You're that only one who knows that   
05:10pm 30/03/2004
 
mood: content
It might because I hear it alot when I'm talking to you on the phone, but this song reminds me of you. I try hard to make you okay, and you try for me. I love how that is. There's so much about what I have with you I love. It's such a comfort to have those little things in my days. Little day dream, little smile. I have no idea how I feel. And I don't care. I don't want to know. This is how it is, and I don't fucking care. Nothing can change this. It's something I have, it's my little world. My little happiness. Please please don't let me push you away. I'd die if that happened. All I want is you to stay with me. Laugh with me, okay? You're someone close to me, and someone I care about. I really don't want to loose that. Thank you, Shaun. Ja ne.
 
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06:41am 29/03/2004
 
mood: hungry
It's been ages since I posted here. Mostly 'cause the whole Shaun-thing got quiet. I mean, it's still quiet, but Sita forced me to admit I wub him. Which I'm now in denial about. I don't love him to that extent. And even if I did really love him, it wouldn't make any difference. We already went over that crap. He doesn't feel that way. Anyway... in case you hven't noticed, I fucked around with my layout. I dunno if I'll keep it this way. Probably something a little less cute. A lot less pink. That's all for me. *rolls away*
 
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test   
07:07pm 26/03/2004
  XD.jpg  
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11:19am 22/03/2004
 
mood: accomplished
I had 7 dollars left from the other night, just counted up the change in my piggy bank. I rock, for I have 13 dollars, now. Which means I can buy Fruits Basket. I just have to get myself to the mall sometime soon. ;__; Which could be a problem. Anyway... had a talk with Shaun about stuff. I really don't know what to make of it, really. While part of me thinks, "Oh... I don't mean anything to him...." the other part tells me it doesn't matter. *sighs* It's not eating away at me, just a bit of a concerning matter. While we're on the subject of caring and such... This girl I've supposedly been friends with since the 1st grade can't stand me. That pisses me off. More then I can put into words.

But hell, Janel made me feel better and declared me cool. *smiles* She's cool, too. And I love her to death. Really. Well, that's all. Ja ne, minna.
 
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11:58pm 19/03/2004
 
mood: calm
I had a rather nice time, tonight. I had just finished getting ready, and was chatting with some friends online when my ride got here. There wasn't enough room in the car, so I had to sit in Alex's lap. O_o;; Blushing ensued. It took us about 10 minutes to get there, thank God. I had been roasting in my bedroom before I left, and then the blushing, lots of bodies in car. We made a bee line for the pool tables when we got there, lets just say... I. Suck. At. Pool. Joe showed up about 15 minutes later, and he sat for a while. When our game ended, he a few of his friends went at it. After that, we went to check out the band. Boy I've thought is cute for a while was doing a solo of that Green Day song that was all over high school graduations. Then the real band went up, and started playing some uber sexy instrumentals. *purrs* I have a lust for slow grundgy guitar music.

Alex and I started up a game of quarters, which was when I realized I've got bad coordination. After a while of this, we went back to the pool room and played a few card games, wnet back to the band, I wnet back to the pool room by myself. Joe and I played a few rounds of pool while some others played limbo. Dave included, who I chatted and laughed with every so often. He's a good kid. So I played this guy, Mike, who seemed like a generally nice guy. I somehow managed to beat him, and he flipped out on Bridget, Alex's best friend. Needless to say, it was a little unnerving to have a guy cursing like a drunk sailor. But yeah. the rest of the time I bounced from room to room, hanging out with Dave and making him look bad. ^.^

And it came to an end at 11, dad was on time, we went home. Stood in the rain. I made a grilled cheese sandwich with turkey. Here I am. And... here I'm no- *vanishes*
 
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04:45pm 19/03/2004
 
mood: thoughtful
I would have made a longer update last night if I hadn't been so tired. Which seems to be pretty common, these days. I started to sleep full nights, but I keep falling asleep in class and after I get home from school. I've taken at least 2 or 3 naps in all today, and I'm still yawning every few minutes. So I'm gonna brew up some coffee when I go get my clothes into the dryer. So... I was supposed to go out last night with Nikki and a few others. But they couldn't go and Nikki didn't want to after that. I tried my best to convince her otherwise, after once I finished, she came out with her dad said if she went any where tonight, she couldn't go to Roller Magic today. Which really, I can't help but wonder if that's a lie.

I've always had trouble trusting friends. I've always put them in question. Wondering of they really want to be around me. Just a small fear of rejection I have. But I'm not gonna worry about it. It's a waste of time. Anyway, I'm going out with Alex and some of her friends tonight. There's gonna be a coffee house/teen gathering thing up at the senior center from 7 to 11. Which should be mucho fun. *beams* Got to talk with her for a while last night before mom and I ordered a cheesy movie on pay per view. About half an hour before the end of the film, I came up stairs to hang out by myself for a few hours, before I got uber tired, and went to bed. Well, that was my night. Hopefully tonight will be a lot more fun. ^.^ Love you guys.

~Always~
 
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Well.. that proves it.   
05:24am 17/03/2004
 
mood: pleased
DisorderRating
Paranoid:Low
Schizoid:Low
Schizotypal:Moderate
Antisocial:Low
Borderline:Moderate
Histrionic:High
Narcissistic:Low
Avoidant:Low
Dependent:High
Obsessive-Compulsive:Moderate

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --



HA! That that Dr.August! (Shrink from a few years ago that I hate.)
 
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10:08am 16/03/2004
 
mood: guilty
Thanks to my cold and stoic mood, I pushed her away. She's probably mad at me. *sighs softly* Stupid icy moods I get in....
 
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09:47am 15/03/2004
  <td>



</td> <td width="300">
I am Les!
"Buy me last pape miss?" I'm Davey's younger brother and he watches out for me, but Jack is my absolute hero and I would do anything he said. I don't really have a mind of my own, but I'm good at selling papes because I'm so young.


Which Newsie are you?
...Quiz by Dara.</td>


AH MY GOD!!! KAWAII! I wanna see it just for him. ^.^
 
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Lovely love   
11:50am 13/03/2004
 
mood: content
It's coming agaiiiiiiiiin!!! La la love di lovely li lo lovely. *dances* You guys NEED this song. Makes me uber happy. Makes me want to dance, and sing. God forbid both. I want to sleep, but I slept a lot today, so I can't seem to relax enough. So commpie-chan messed up, had to shut down for a while, when I came back, she who I RP with had left. v.v I can only hope she returns before it gets too late. Hopeing to talk to Shaun tonight, as I've hardly talked to him all day. Well, that's all. I have Jason Mraz to day dream about. ^.^ *shoots off in a jet pack*
 
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07:21am 12/03/2004
 
mood: content
1. WHAT TIME DO YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING? 6am in weekdays, unless I go to bed at 6. And anywhere from 10 to 8:30 on weekends.

2. IF YOU COULD EAT LUNCH WITH ONE FAMOUS PERSON, WHO WOULD IT BE? Jason Mraz. He seems like such a happy, nice sort of guy. My type.

3. GOLD OR SILVER? White gold. 'Tis very beautiful and mysterious.


4. WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA? I didn't watch it but Mona Lisa Smile

5. FAVORITE TV SHOW? I generally don't watch tv anymore, but it used to be Everwood.

6. What Do YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST? If I'm really hungry, a slim fast bar. Normally it's a glass of milk or nothing.

7. WHAT WOULD YOU LOVE TO BE LEFT IN A ROOM WITH? I'm not telling. Nya. *blows rasberry*

8. CAN YOU TOUCH YOUR NOSE WITH YOUR TONGUE? Wouldn't you like to know.

9. WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? *snickers* 10 dollars gets certain people *very* far. Heh, anyway it's May 15.

10. WHAT'S YOUR MIDDLE NAME? Yourbitch. Kidding, Crosby. I hate it.

11. BEACH, CITY, OR COUNTRY? Either city or beach.

12. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer. *smiles happily* Met Shaun then, and happyJanel-ness.

14. BUTTERED, PLAIN, OR SALTED POPCORN? Ew. I'll take rice, thank you.

15. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE COLOR: Hmm, not sure.

16. FAVORITE CAR? Actually, my dream car is a piece of crap kind of car. Square.


17. FAVORITE SANDWICH FILLING? You.

18. DO YOU BELIEVE IN TRUE LOVE? Sure, why not?

19. WHAT CHARACTERISTICS DO YOU DESPISE? Close minded, selfish, ignorant, fake, childish.

20. FAVORITE FLOWER? Roses. Dark red ones.

21. IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY, HOW LONG WOULD YOU WAIT TO TELL PEOPLE? Heh... how much can I win?

22. FIZZY OR STILL WATER AS A DRINK? Still.


23. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHROOM? Downstairs one is vomit green, the other is white and brown. >.< I'm so lucky

24. HOW MANY KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING? I don't use keys. Well... handcuffs maybe...


25. WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO RETIRE? Mm... somewhere quiet. A nice sparkling lake beside my country house, and a few cats. And my old fart husband. ^.^;

26. CAN YOU JUGGLE? Can I lie and say yes?


27. FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK? Any day I get enough sleep and don't feel like crap


28. RED OR WHITE WINE? White, please.

29. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST BIRTHDAY? Got pissy at Nikki's dad, slammed the car door, almost broke it.

30. DO YOU CARRY A DONOR CARD? No


31. SAY SOMETHING NICE ABOUT THE PERSON THAT SENT YOU THIS E_MAIL Jenny's a good kid.



34. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Only if you put it to good use.. ^.~
 
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04:05am 12/03/2004
 
mood: chipper
*smiles happily* I love this song. Decided to listen to it, as I just hung up with Shaun, and I want to hold onto that happy feeling a little longer. Laughed a lot. He such a pervert! *giggles* I'll tell you guys his awful jokes later. I had a really great day. Tons of laughing with Tanya to and from school. And then I a nice day all together. Talking to Shaun, and laughing so much was the perfect topping to a perfect day. Now I think I'll take a shower and a nap.
 
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On my own   
07:17pm 11/03/2004
 
mood: contemplative
Just thinking abou thow I, and so many people hate being alone. A fear of not having anyone to turn to. Those are the people who hold onto the past. Who can't let go, and let themselves be happy. Who are to wounded and weak to stand up and fight for that happiness. Which is why I'm really going to try, this time. So yeah. I have to get to school. Sayonara.
 
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06:02pm 11/03/2004
 
mood: thoughtful
*hugs a star plushie* I love this thing... Anyway, I told Shaun about this journal, and showed it to him. I told him that I only want him to look at it when I, or Janel tell him to. And I feel good abou that decision. I don't have to be afraid about saying things, but he'll still be invovled every so often. I think it's a good idea. And maybe when I start feeling better, I won't have to use this at all. I can be totally honest on my caleida. *smiles* I look forward to then.

So last night I got into an icky mood. I'll just show the convo.

(09:48:55) Sakura Urimeshi: Considering going to bed.
(09:49:23) Sakura Urimeshi: Getting into a rotten, shitty mood.
(09:49:31) Archimage4: *hugs*
(09:49:45) Sakura Urimeshi: Meh
(09:50:00) Archimage4: I don't know what else to do. Or even if there's anything else I can do.
(09:50:17) Sakura Urimeshi: *sighs* I know...
(09:51:30) Sakura Urimeshi: Is it okay if I call?
(09:51:41) Sakura Urimeshi: I don't like talking to computers.
(09:54:22) Archimage4: Actually, I was about to step out to get something to eat...
(09:54:35) Sakura Urimeshi: Then I'll go to bed.
(09:54:53) Archimage4: ... Okay.
(09:54:57) Archimage4: Try to cheer up, okay?
(09:55:08) Sakura Urimeshi: It won't matter, I'll be sleeping.
(09:55:18) Sakura Urimeshi: There aren't any feelings in sleep
(09:56:47) Sakura Urimeshi: Anyway, I might come back at 12:45ish.
(09:57:14) Archimage4: Okay.
(09:57:22) Archimage4: I might still be up. Maybe.
(09:57:31) Sakura Urimeshi: K
(09:57:39) Sakura Urimeshi: See you then. I think
(09:58:28) Sakura Urimeshi: Ja ne

I felt kinda cynical and sad through that. I set my alarm for 12, but ended up getting up at 1:30. I saw Shaun wasn't online, and felt a little sad. So I went to this thing, replied to Sita-chan's comment, and went back to bed. And thank you, kitten. Made me feel nice. So yeah. I feel much better now. Sleepy, but not depressed in the least. Maybe even happy. So I'm sitting here in the faint light of my lamp, watching the clouds turn peach pink, and the sky podwer blue. On the other end of the sky, is the fading and setting moon against a light purple sky with pink clouds. It's so pretty. *smiles faintly* I love you guys. Thank you for fighting along side me, so I can be happy.

~Always~

Meg-chan
 
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